Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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