Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize