I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
