Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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