I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
