Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
