so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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