I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
