I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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