a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
