i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
