I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
