38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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