nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize