your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Randomize
