He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize