Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
