i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
