He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
