I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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