Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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