it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
