I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
