That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
