called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
