to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He shit in the fireplace
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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