dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
