i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
