i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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