Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
