She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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