i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize