when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
and you fell through a lawn chair
wow bdsm is so cute
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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