sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
