If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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