Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
