At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize