She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize