Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
