You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize