Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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