i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
