you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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