TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
