shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
if only i could text you this smell
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
