shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize