She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
