I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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