I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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