I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
