tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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