Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
