I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
