I'm so fucking centered right now
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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