i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize