explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
