The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
