I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
