Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
