I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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