worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
