I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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