My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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