Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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