chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just cropdusted the office
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
