What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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