Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
