He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
