Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He kissed a someone with a penis
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
