whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
