I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
