...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
