He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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