smell my finger.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
