whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
