there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize